Anúncio procurando um vampiro

Na Craig’s list tem um anúncio de uma pessoa querendo se tornar um vampiro.  É muito engraçado e triste ao mesmo tempo!  Se for de verdade a pessoa tem que estar muito desesperada para postar um anúncio assim.

Aqui vai:

Alright, look. Let’s cut to the chase. I need to be a vampire. I don’t really want to get into the details but I need to get away from a lot of my current life (job) and becoming a vampire seems like the best solution. I think I’m prepared for it. I’m a volunteer EMT, so I’m familiar with blood and anatomy, so I think I could handle the feeding on humans part and know the best way to do it. Also, I’m very accustomed to sleeping during the day and going out at night to terrify people, virgins, etc. 

So my offer is this, you turn me into a vampire and I will be your Vamptern (Vampire Intern) for at least a year. You don’t have to do anything except show me the ropes. I’m totally disease free and I don’t do drugs, so I think my blood is pretty pure (not a virgin though, sorry). I think I’ll miss going out in the sun, but at this point, I think it’s worth the sacrafice. Plus, you should probably know where all the cool vampire hide outs and clubs are. I’m really looking forward to those sweet vampire parties where it’s nothing but crazy hot babes and eventual bloodbaths (literally). Actually, the bloodbath part kind of creeps me out, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it. 

Let me know if you are a vampire and this sounds good to you. There’s a recession on, so I can’t just quit my job and run away. I need to have a plan and mine is to be a vampire. If I don’t meet the criteria for Vampire, I think I could at least make a good Vampssistant (Vampire Assistant) and go do all the stuff you can’t do because you can’t go out in the daylight, you know like pick up your dry cleaning, go to the bank, get your driver’s license renewed, etc.